Yesterday, I provided some tips to help expectant mothers stay sane (if possible) and fashionable (not really possible, but it’s all relative). While women do almost all of the hard work, pregnancy isn’t necessarily a bed of roses for men either. So with that, here are 10 tips for expectant fathers from Ken.
Tips for Expectant Fathers, written by Ken
1. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t say no. She will tell you you are lying.
2. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t say yes. (Hopefully, this is obvious.)
3. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, don’t clam up and say nothing. She will tell you you are being uncommunicative.
4. If your pregnant wife asks you if she looks fat, either fake sharp chest pains, or start shedding spontaneous tears of joy. (May not work more than once).
5. Pregnancy related hormones are very real, as are pregnant wives’ denials of the existence of pregnancy related hormones. Translation: pointing out that your wife may be feeling the effects of pregnancy-related hormones is a lose-lose battle. (See 1-4).
6. Heard of “push presents” and “babymoons”? You aren’t alone. I hadn’t either. But it doesn’t matter. Pregnant women talk about them and expect them. And playing dumb won’t get you out of them.
7. Yes, your wife is uncomfortable. And yes, it is your fault.
8. Do not plan to move a month before your wife is due… If I had to make a recipe for divorce, it would include two-parts third trimester pregnancy, one-part feeling displaced, with 3 heaping teaspoons of moving boxes and reorganizing your life, and a pinch of debating over redecorating tastes and budgets. (Yes, we moved a week before Cruz was born. And yes, it was all my fault.)
9. Buy flowers. Trust me: I think flowers are stupid. I don’t get it. You buy them, and then they die. But during a time when it is very hard to do anything “right”, buying flowers is about as safe as it gets.
10. Every time you bite your lip or think about how challenging your wife’s pregnancy can be, take a deep breath, and appreciate the fact that you don’t have to push a baby out of your body. When you see what she has to go through in the delivery room, it will all make sense!
Hours after the birth of our son, Cruz in October 2009. Waiting for number 2 due this May!
KCN, a.k.a, The Josie Girl’s hubby
HA — I need to send this to my husband so he will know what to expect when we get pregnant. So funny! There was an article on push presents in the NY Times a while back — you should take a look at it!
Just looked it up: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/06/fashion/06push.html what a great read! I feel so spoiled by asking for a present, but women have it TOUGH!
Sending link to husband. Thank you!
Great! Thanks!
very cute
Thanks!
too funny. love it. joe will definitely be reading this when the time comes.
The sad thing is that this is all SO true!!
THIS WAS AMAZING.
wasn’t it?? all true, embarrassing but true!!
Wow! you nailed it.. this is what we all want to hear. I’m due any minute with my fifth. If only my husband had this advice the first 4 times around!
Five kids??? You deserve an extra special medal!
This was fantastic and soooo funny! I guess Josie-guy is just as funny (and smart) as his better half!
So glad you liked! I, too, think Ken is super funny. And this is all too true….
Good job, Kenny — you learn fast! But what am I doing in the women’s section?